Did you catch the latest TLC episode of the sensationalized show “John & Kate plus eight“? My wife has been following this show from the beginning. It is basically about a couple who had trouble having kids. They attempted in vitro fertilization and ended up having two sets of multiples. Twins & Sextuplets. Thus the “plus eight” in the title.

Now, I must tell you, I usually never give my opinion about things in the media. I don’t think that the media cares about the truth. They only care about ratings. So they exploit stories in order to make more money. News and television is more of a tabloid these days- and it makes me sick. The general public gets wrapped up in murder mysteries or celebrity relational drama’s- eating up any new piece of juicy gossip- they form their opinions based on faulty information dished by unethical sources… The media and public often work themselves into a frenzy. That is popular media as we know it today.

With that said, I am going to actually give my opinion about this latest episode, because it has been really quite tragic to watch unfold. It is uncharacteristic of me- but I am so passionate about marriage and so against divorce- that I couldn’t help but share my thoughts on the matter. Okay- let me get to the point!

In last nights episode, John and Kate show apparent hate towards each other. They interviewed separately, probably because of the deep rooted disgust they feel towards each other. One things that bothers me is that this couple has always claimed to be strong Christians. They speak at various church gatherings across the nation and John often sports a Christian t-shirt on episodes. I think their example to the world is another stain on our Christian witness. They are not representing the Christ life as they should be. This whole story is just so sad.

I am so mad- not so much at them… but at the selfish mentality that they and so many other couples have. This selfishness is the very thing that is destroying families. Here are some of the things they say- that give a glimpse of their illogical choices- based on self absorbed thinking:

“Our kids don’t deserve hearing us argue all of the time. If we want to maintain peace in the home, we need to separate.”

WHAT?!? I have heard this so much. Why do fighting parents always seem to say this? Think about the logic- they think that separation is best for their children. They feel that it is the only way for peace to be in the homes. I have a better idea. How about STOP FIGHTING? The issue lies within their relationship. Why inflict unnecessary pain on your children, when the issue really lies with you and your spouse? You have to understand something REALLY important:

When you separate, you are not fixing the problem- you are trading problems. If you separate, your kids now have to cope with separated parents. This has HUGE ramifications that will show themselves over time. If they were really looking out for their kids, they would absolutely find a way to forgive each other, stay committed to the relationship, and grow closer to each other.

The best gift they can give their kids- is their love relationship with each other. If they want to teach their kids about love, commitment, forgiveness, etc… it starts with them!

Kids need their parents to work it out. They need them to stay together. Parents are to be the primary example of how to live. If only John and Kate could see the future- this separation would stop. I wish they could see the level of heartache that this will cause the children. The children’s foundation has been shattered. Their source of stability has been ripped from underneath them. John and Kate are trying to say that the big house they purchased was to be a place of security for their kids. “This is their house”. Once again, they are missing it. Kids don’t need a big house. They need parents who love each other and are committed to staying together. This is the absolute foundation of a healthy family.

Why are they so naive? Why are John and Kate lying to themselves? The only thing I can think of is that they have some really bad friends who are leading them astray. Also, they must be so self absorbed, that they are unable to see reality. They are so hurt by each other, they can’t fathom staying together. So they justify things in their mind, convincing themselves and those around them that separation is what is best for the children.

Listen, both my wife and I understand what it means to be so hurt by each other, that you just want to throw in the towel and call it quits. All married couples experience those extreme feelings of hurt? It comes with the territory. When two totally different people live together, trying to raise a family- things get explosive and hurt abounds. This is to be expected. Marriage is the greatest joy and the greatest pain all wrapped together. You lose your independent identity, and voluntarily subject your life to the one you love. Their success is your success. Their failure is your failure.

I think it would do them good to review their vows- the words that they spoke on their wedding day- promising to stay committed no matter what.

John  is it your purpose here today to receive Kate as your lawful, wedded wife?  With God’s help, will you love her sacrificially, comfort HER, honor and keep her secure, in sickness and in health, and forsake all others to be a faithful and loving husband as long as you both shall live?”  If so, answer “I Will”.

“I, Kate take you John to be my husband, God’s chosen one  for me; to have and to hold from this day  forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; to love, honor and cherish you, putting your welfare before my own, until we are separated by death. With God as my witness, I give you my promise.”

With this ring, I thee wed, as a token of my love, I seal my vows, and with all of my earthly possessions, I thee endow, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

How far this couple has fallen. Their love failure could be blamed on a lot of things I suppose. Fame, fortune, stress, adultery, constant fighting, parental differences, etc. Only they know. But, in my opinion, the ultimate reason why they have decided to divorce is the same reason why most marriages in America divorce- selfishness. They aren’t willing to make the marriage work. They have decided that it is doomed for failure. They have made up their mind, and look forward to their own independence. I guess what angers me most is that they are trying to portray themselves as selfless parents who only want what is best for their kids. The truth is, they would rather shatter their children’s foundation rather than make the excruciating effort to repair their broken relationship. From what I can tell, they are lazy, self-absorbed, and have been lead astray by illogical principles. God hates divorce. They should know that.

Here is what would be awesome- what if someone talks to this couple- shares with them some of the points I have made. Reminded them of their commitment- and shared with them what could happen to their kids down the road, if they followed through on the divorce. It would be awesome if this couple did a 180, and re-united, laying down their pride. They could work closely with a good counselor that could re-light that original spark. John & Kate have an EPIC opportunity right now to show the world that LOVE really does conquer all. Love for their children, love for God, love for each other. We need to all be praying that God does some awesome work on their hearts- breaks their pride- and showers them with love and forgiveness. I sincerely hope that they will return to their first love. It is possible. I have seen restoration happen in many marriages. But the key ingredient is humility. They MUST get over their selfishness. >>BG